It is fair to say I may never be the person who creates a product or fashions a new idea that propels new living for the masses. As I sit in the heart of Silicon Valley, possibly surrounded by the most intelligent technology minds this side of heaven- I have a simple goal: To make rejection useful. My core group of friends and had decided a few years ago that we would live under the law of Risk, Vulnerability, and Fun. We would do what it takes to put our heart out there and to not let fear hold us back and essentially dare to be us, dare to be free. Sometime later, I am what seems to be a half a world away from all those beautiful people and continuing on in the lifestyle of Risk, Vulnerability, and Fun has taken its toll on my lonely heart. All research shows that diminishing risk leads to stagnant businesses and lives, that if creativity is cut off at it’s core, nothing can be developed and shown beautiful- even in the process of being birthed. A messy process as we all know that it is. Enjoying my second cup of coffee today, I have this urgency in my heart that I just want to prove that rejection can be of use. Rejection, at its best, makes us questions every part of ourselves. The way we present ourselves- the trueness that shines and the false self we project out of fear and angst. Its inevitable, so I dare say I want to make it a propellant into something positive, something empowering- to own it, instead of letting it own me- as it typically has done. I want rejection to awake and shake me- but in the least harmful way possible. I want to embrace the trueness of who I am, the big personality and all. I want rejection to settle my soul that the Lord has seasons, and trials, and plans we know not of. I want rejection to throw me in the fire that only leaves behind purity and refinement. I don’t want rejection to keep me in the fire of shame, discouragement and the worst of all- hopelessness. I’ve always used mantras to cheer my friends on. To keep the beautiful moving forward and fired up. It’s never to be trite or simple. It’s an honest plea to keep life- rejection and all- in perspective. Recently while trying to surf for the first time I coined (or so I think) “Failing Miserably and Loving It” and I meant it. I am energized trying new things with those I love. Typically they flourish in them and I am light-years behind them in skill level. But it’s fun, I’ve always embraced the clumsy-ness of it all. But when it comes to offering myself, me, my soul, my inner ramblings, my go-to conversations- I let, I let… the rejection linger. I feel it. Like, I feel it. My heart is slowly burdened with ideas on why this person wouldn’t choose to call me for a girl’s night out or why a guy wouldn’t remember my name after meeting five times. Like why? What’s up? What don’t I possess that you are searching for and value? Or worse- for me- what is it that I am too much of that makes you not pick me- to not choose me. As it’s been written so many times this world will always try to make you something you’re not and holding true to yourself is such a beautiful battle we choose to be in. And I don’t linger too long there, in the worries of not being enough or again being too much. I know no good can come from it, thankfully my Lord has matured me out of it. But how to transition that closed door into an earnest prayer is something so overwhelming my heart. To know that I am who He has called, and yes some characteristics need to be removed still- but giving myself grace- true grace, helpful grace, grace that moves me forward. I want that Lord, fill me with that.